combat_kick

Sup

2008-09-10T19:56:49Z

I fucking love Kenny Loggins.

If anyone actually gives a shit about what I've been up to (and likely you don't)

2007-04-16T01:15:27Z

I put my dog to sleep, moved out of my house, and I continue to get out of bed in the morning for some unfathomable reason.

combat_kick @ 2007-01-13T21:33:00

2007-01-14T02:33:16Z

Is anybody out there?

combat_kick @ 2006-11-16T22:57:00

2006-11-17T03:57:33Z

I've come to realize that the meek shall not inherit the earth. The meek shall inherit, at best, a shit sandwich.

combat_kick @ 2006-11-02T21:03:00

2006-11-03T02:03:30Z

I had to buy some dress shoes today. Leaving the store, I noticed a display selling Sneetch stuffed animals. Only...there were Star Bellied Sneetches mixed in with plain Sneetches. What kind of values are we teaching our kids?

combat_kick @ 2006-07-21T19:26:00

2006-07-21T23:23:47Z

http://www.ifamericansknew.org/

A bunch of anti-semites, right?

combat_kick @ 2006-06-29T01:44:00

2006-06-29T05:45:12Z

Hey France, sup. I know I've said some things to you before that were unkind. Rude even.
However, in light of:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kN7G2DJb8lk

I'd just like to say, all is forgiven.

combat_kick @ 2006-06-21T19:15:00

2006-06-21T23:15:07Z

So I'm 23 now. Woo.

combat_kick @ 2006-05-26T16:50:00

2006-05-26T20:50:03Z

I just watched the episode of Pete and Pete where Artie leaves forever and holy shit I almost lost it.

This made me smile.

2006-04-15T22:27:21Z

http://www2.b3ta.com/heyhey16k/

combat_kick @ 2006-04-08T17:52:00

2006-04-08T21:52:24Z

What did it matter where you lay once you were dead? In a dirty sump or in a marble tower on the top of a high hill? You were dead, you were sleeping the big sleep, you were not bothered by things like that. Oil and water were the same as wind and air to you. You just slept the big sleep, not caring about the nastiness of how you died or where you fell.
-Phillip Marlowe, "The Big Sleep."

Yes, I am a geek.

2006-04-05T17:44:23Z

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5O1bTNbbWk4&eurl=http%3A%2F%2Fwww%2Ehiptechblog%2Ecom%2F2006%2F04%2F02%2Fvideo%2Dmulti%2Dtouch%2Dtable%2Ddemonstrated%2Dwith%2Dwarcraft%2Diii

I want one!

ZUG ZUG

combat_kick @ 2006-03-16T01:53:00

2006-03-16T06:52:24Z

If my lawn was emo, would it cut itself?

combat_kick @ 2006-03-11T23:50:00

2006-03-12T04:45:29Z

I've found that going to work with a massive hangover makes you immune to criticism by customers.

combat_kick @ 2006-01-20T20:34:00

2006-01-21T01:34:44Z

I'm posting this so Emily will shut up about me not updating.

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-320978629639822541&q=canon

This guy rocks.

combat_kick @ 2005-10-06T13:18:00

2005-10-06T17:18:42Z

So I managed to electrocute myself yesterday.

My analysis: it kinda sucks.

combat_kick @ 2005-08-23T07:27:00

2005-08-23T23:27:04Z

Sometimes I wonder about people. I'm sure there is 100,000 other entries about "OMFG PPLZ R STOOPID" in the online journal world, but what the hell. When I say "that person is dumb", I don't mean it in a condesceding way; like I don't go "Oh, you don't like the Mars Volta? You are dumb.", or "Oh, does your coffee only have two syllables? How quaint." When I say that, I am voicing my wonderment of how that person can operate a doorknob without having a stroke.

My job is really, really simple. An old granny hands me her musty, mildewed, ravaged-from-contact-with-octagenarion-privates bra and panties, I dump them into bins. Okay, that's an exaggeration, but all I do is separate donations into different bins. Basically, if you can memorize 7 numbers and tell the difference between a clock and a baseball glove, you are qualified to do my job. Amazingly, there are people that are bad at it. I've come in to find not only things sorted wrong, but the place actually near destroyed. Bins shoved in other bins, donors bags that looked like they got the shit kicked out of them and then were dumped in the nearest container. Seriously, it looks like the person couldn't figure out where to put it and took his rage out on the bag itself; then when beaten, deposited it whereever, and (this is speculation) collapsed to the floor in wracking sobs.

The donors are no better. I used to think "Surely no one can fuck up putting clothes in a bag and handing it to someone." Oh humanity, you do try your best to amaze me. I think my favorite is when they pack all the stuff in the rear of their minivan in open bags and without securing it in any way, and then are completely mystefied when it all comes pouring out into the parking lot. Who'da thunk it. Or when they give me a bag of clothes, drinkning glasses, and clothes on the bottom. Looks like clothes on top, feels like clothes on the bottom, oh look! Now theres broken glass all over the bin and imbedded into the clothes! Maybe you're too busy to sort everything yourself, but please do your part to make purchasing clothes less deadly.

Sometimes, I get garbage. Plain and simple. I don't know if people think that the less priveledged want moldering picture frames or rotting clothing, or are just too lazy to make an extra trip to the dump, but I've had to turn down some pretty nasty shit. My favorite garbage item to get is a used coloring book. My theory is that this is an attempt by the rich to make the poor feel even more like shit by demoralizing their kids.

Kid: Hey mommie, what's that?

Mom: Why it's a toy that once brought joy to another child. Now that he has finished with it, his family has essentialy thrown it away for a tax break. Luckily, we are able to buy people's garbage so that you can witness a feeling of happiness that you will never know.

Kid: Why's that mommie?

Mom: Because you, through no fault of your own, were born into a poor family. The deck has been stacked against you from the start, and there's fuck-all you can do about it. I'm afraid it's all random chance, and you happen to be one of the many, many losers.

Kid: Mommy, why does God hate his own creations so very, very much?

Mom: No one really knows Jimmy. Some people follow God blindly in search of an answer, and some hate God just as blindly because they have given up. It's a big mess, and frankly it's not worth agonizing over. Your best bet is to just become an alcholic.

Kid: Sounds swell!

I'm going to close this with the dumbest person I have met to date. In the donation center in Bethel, the building was at one time a bank. The check deposit drawer is still there, it's just sealed up. So I'm working inside one day, and I hear a *clank* *clank* noise outside. I go out there, and there's a guy standing there with an enormous bag of clothes, yanking on the drawer handle. I ask him if I can help him, and he informs me that the drop box is stuck. I tell him that it's a remnant from when this was a bank, and that he should just bring the bag inside. Then, purely out of curiosity, I asked him if the drawer did open, how he planned on getting that gigantic bag full of clothes through it. There's a moment of silence as he stares back and forth between the bag and the slot, and slowly turns red as the basic principles of physics dawn on him.

"I uh, thought part of the wall would come away."

More silence. This is because I can't think of anything to say that is not directly insulting.

Him: "Can I get a recipt?"

Me: Okay.

Fin.

combat_kick @ 2005-08-07T02:58:00

2005-08-07T07:02:29Z

Warning: Gross

Red Queen says:
you're gross

Mother should I trust the government says:
no

Mother should I trust the government says:
you're gross

Red Queen says:
if by gross you mean totally awesome

Mother should I trust the government says:
you proabably have a ton of bacne

Red Queen says:
wtf is bacne

Red Queen says:
acne on your back?

Mother should I trust the government says:
back acne

Mother should I trust the government says:
yes

Red Queen says:
my ass has acne

Mother should I trust the government says:
auuugghh

Red Queen says:
what, its not MY fault

Mother should I trust the government says:
I'm buying you some ass clearisil

Red Queen says:
that would sting

Mother should I trust the government says:
it would also get rid of hideous butt pimples

Mother should I trust the government says:
are they like, whiteheads too?

Mother should I trust the government says:
do they pop when you sit down?

Red Queen says:
YES

Mother should I trust the government says:
god

Mother should I trust the government says:
zit juice, vagina flow....your underwear must be a terrifying sight

Red Queen says:
thats why i buy black underwear

Mother should I trust the government says:
you should walk around without any, in a skirt. just let everything flow out in public

Red Queen says:
oh god

Mother should I trust the government says:
and when people are like "holy shit, what's going on"

Mother should I trust the government says:
be like "Oh, it's just my fluids."

Red Queen says:
you're so fucking nasty

Mother should I trust the government says:
oohhh

Red Queen says:
DONT

Mother should I trust the government says:
then you should put it in a super soaker

Mother should I trust the government says:
>_>

Mother should I trust the government says:
and try to shoot it in peoples mouths. like when they're yawning

Mother should I trust the government says:
"YAAWWWWN-BLARGHAKPL"

Red Queen says:
EWWW

Mother should I trust the government says:
OH MY GOD IS THIS MENSTRUEL BLOOD AND ZIT JUICE!?!?

Red Queen says:
such a dignified taste

Red Queen says:
menstruel?

Mother should I trust the government says:
whatever

Red Queen says:
menstruél

Mother should I trust the government says:
I should put this on lj

Red Queen says:
do it

Mother should I trust the government says:
okay

Also, this is my friend Chris. He's coming home from the military. As you can see, he rocks.

Sometimes I talk to people

2005-07-29T00:38:49Z

Crime is a shit that needs wiping up! says:
thanks for the new email, PENIS
Mitch : The Important thing is I Think I'm hillirious. says:
HEY
Mitch : The Important thing is I Think I'm hillirious. says:
If Youd been online when I made it you'd have been added
Mitch : The Important thing is I Think I'm hillirious. says:
PENIS
Crime is a shit that needs wiping up! says:
I SUBMIT THAT IT IS YOU WHO IS THE PENIS
Mitch : The Important thing is I Think I'm hillirious. says:
I RETURN THAT SUBMISSION AND DECLARE THAT YOU ARE INFACT THE PENIS
Crime is a shit that needs wiping up! says:
I HEREBY PRESENT EVIDENCE THAT THE PENIS IS YOU
Mitch : The Important thing is I Think I'm hillirious. says:
I WILL DESTROY SAID EVIDENCE, THEN FORGE EVIDENCE TO PROVE THAT YOU ARE A PENIS OF SUBSTANCIAL SIZE
Crime is a shit that needs wiping up! says:
I HAVE GATHERED TOP FORENSICS EXPERTS FROM AROUND THE WORLD TO REVEAL THAT REAL PENIS IS, AND ALWAYS HAS BEEN YOU
Mitch : The Important thing is I Think I'm hillirious. says:
SHIT

combat_kick @ 2005-07-07T08:27:00

2005-07-07T12:27:17Z

Mitch and Icarius, are you guys ok?

combat_kick @ 2005-06-26T09:50:00

2005-06-26T13:50:13Z

HEY LETS PUT SOME BALL JOKES IN THIS REMAKE KIDS LIKE THOSE

I'm sure the Hot Topic crowd will love this though, 'cause OMG TIM BURTON AND JOHNNY DEPP!!

Bandwagon!

2005-06-21T14:45:42Z

I AM SOOOO ORIGINAL

combat_kick @ 2005-06-20T20:58:00

2005-06-21T00:58:02Z

I just heard some band on the radio described as "pop-punk with a splash of emo and just a smidge of hardcore."

What the shit.

combat_kick @ 2005-06-01T16:22:00

2005-06-01T20:22:20Z

Myself and some friends of mine came up with this yesterday. Feel free to add anything, especially chugging rules.

Drink whenever:

-Fry screams.
-Fry is ignorant of a situation.
-Leela is jealous of Amy.
-Bender steals.
-Whenever Bender drinks, drink the entire time he is drinking.(Advanced)
-Bender belches a flame.
-The professor says "Good news!"
-The professor is naked.
-The professor falls asleep somewhere.
-The professor is senile.
-Hermes says "Sweet *animal* of *location*!"
-Amy falls or does something klutzy.
-Zoidberg crys.
-Zoidberg makes a noise (like his Curly whoop whoop whoop)
-Zap Brannigan says sex/sexy/sensual.
-Kif sighs.

I'm bored

2005-05-13T16:05:42Z

Got this from a friend of mine. I post 30 different song lyrics, you guys have four days to guess them all. The winner gets a prize.

1)When I was a child I had a fever. My hands felt just like two baloons.

2)How does it feel
To be on your own
With no direction home

3)I'm not gonna lie. I'll not be a gentleman. Behind the boathouse...I'll show you my dark secret.

4)I been very tempted
To grab it from the till
I been very hungry
But not enough to kill

5)If you wanna make the move
then you better come in
it's just the ability to reason
that wears so thin
living and dying and the stories that are true
secrets to a good life is knowing when you're through

6)Aqua seafoam shame

7)Into the flood again
Same old trip it was back then
So I made a big mistake
Try to see it once my way

8)We’ll put the sugar in the tank of the sheriff’s car
We’ll slash the deputy’s tires
They won’t get very far
When they finally get the word that there’s been a hold-up

9)I rode a tank
Held a general’s rank
When the blitzkrieg raged
And the bodies stank

10) Don't worry what might give you cancer, stay up nights just wanting answers. It's just a crap-shoot but it's mostly crap.

11)she's got a serrated edge
that she moves back and forth.
it's such a simple machine.
she doesn't have to use force.

12)went to a party last saturday night,
I didnt get laid, I got in a fight
uh huh, it aint no big thing

13)There's no room for dancing on your precious floors, cause you've got to save space for the jocks and whores
You say that our shows are for violent thugs, but we're not the ones on designer drugs

14)I wouldn't be without my TV for a day(or even a minute). I don't even bother to use my brain anymore(there's nothing left in it).

15)I'm a hopeless romantic! You're just hopeless!

16)Dear Kate,
through the years you have matured
but you'll always look the same to me
as you did on the cover of The Face
they all say you're flat, they all say
your face looks like Eric Stoltz in Mask

17)'Cause I wanna know, 'cause this is hardly worth going for
A long time ago when there was something left to uphold

18)Nothing seems to kill me no matter how hard I try
Nothing is closing my eyes
Nothing can beat me down for your pain or delight
And nothing seems to break me
No matter how hard I fall nothing can break me at all
Not one for giving up though not invincible I know

19)My job is to help destroy
What's left of your imagination
By feeding you endless doses
Of sugar-coated mindless garbage

20)I said ’i don’t know whether
I’m the boxer or the bag’

21)Let me go -- I can't breathe.
I drag myself through the debris.
I never felt more alone than on this starry road.

22)'Cause nobody loves me
Its true
Not like you do

23)under azure skies as we said our last goodbyes
i was trying to let you know that i love you so
i love you so
you'll never know
but i love you so

24)Hey I was just a skinny lad
Never knew no good from bad
But I knew life before I left my nursery - huh
Left alone with big fat Fanny
She was such a naughty nanny
Heap big woman you made a bad boy out of me

25)City life
Calling me later
Leave my soul
In deep water
Never get a better chance
So what you doing
Gotta get money
Ain't quite what you're doing

26)All this news and views are beneath me
Cause all I hear about is shots ringin' out
So I rather kick some slang out
All right fellas let's go hand out
Hollywood or would they not
Make us all look bad like I know they had
But some things I'll never forget yeah
So step and fetch this shit
For all the years we looked like clowns
The joke is over smell the smoke from all around

27)So raise your fists
And march around
Don’t dare take what you need
I’ll jail and bury those committed
And smother the rest in greed
Crawl with me into tomorrow
Or I’ll drag you to your grave
I’m deep inside your children
They’ll betray you in my name

28)And I like pianos in the evening sun
Dragging my heels 'til my day is done
Saturday night in the captain's clothes
Tender horns blowing' in my jury 'fros

29)Now I've got the needle,
And I can shake,
but I can't breathe.
I take it away, but I want more and more.
One day I'm gonna lose the war.

30)My wife has burned the scrambled eggs
The dog just bit my leg
My teenage daughter ran away
My fine young son has turned out gay.

Some of these are pretty easy, my music tastes aren't that obscure. I'm sure Echoes will polish this off in about 2 mintues flat.